It’s such a shame, because it is kind of that negative thing that I always hear about hysterectomies. But I’ve always wanted one since I was 16, and that’s just kind of due to a history of sexual abuse. And I felt like I don’t want to have the power to have a child. That seems like way too much power for me to ever have. Maybe that’s because I am young. Maybe I’d come to understand it differently if I were older, or I ever had a position where I felt like I wanted a child or needed a child. But I pretty much am a child, so I guess I can just keep myself, and that’s enough for me.
Kristen Soltis Anderson: Do you think that society has different expectations for moms versus dads?
Brianna: As a preschool teacher, I can say, definitely. When you have a sick kid, our first instinct is, hey, call Mom. And it’s sort of sad that’s embedded in our society. Like, Mom is the first line of defense. But I think it’s from experience, too. Like, Dad can’t get off work, Dad is working farther away from home, and Mom makes the decision to pick a child care that’s close to her work in case she has to get out and take care of the kid. I think women are expected to take the brunt of it from the moment they’re carrying the kid to the time they’re 18 and it’s time to move them out — if that happens.
Dusti: When I say, oh, I’m a stay-at-home mom, they think, oh, your husband, he’s the provider. And in financial means, yes, but I mean, this house wouldn’t keep itself up if it wasn’t for us or for moms, you know, and moms who do stay home and work. I feel like it could be changing, based on single dads. Somehow, I’m on single-dad TikTok lately. I’m just seeing all these dads that are wonderful at everything. But it’s not like my dad wasn’t ever home. My dad was the room dad, and my mom worked, because my dad worked weird hours. But it was still: Call Mom.
Sarah Wildman: I’m curious if the idea of mom has changed from the time you were a child.
Julie: Yeah, I mean, I was home-schooled. My dad went out and worked. My mom stayed home. She home-schooled me. Her job was to take care of me and cook and make sure the house worked. She’s the best, you know. Now I’m 30 and I have friends who are moms, and I’m watching them work and also co-parent with men who are not there, and just seeing them stressed out. I don’t know — and this sounds terrible to say, but as I’ve grown, thinking about what a mom looks like, it just seems a lot more stressful.
Liz: So me and my mom didn’t have a good relationship until I was about to graduate college. She spent most of her time with my stepdad or at work. Sometimes I’m like, well, I could be a better mom than that. I can raise a child better to have more confidence. I don’t know if anybody’s seen that dad on TikTok where his daughter’s a gymnast, or does like cheerleading stunts, and he just boosts her confidence like crazy. That’s the kind of parenting I would want to do.
Kristen Soltis Anderson: Do women have a harder time getting ahead in the work force, compared to men?
Brianna: In my type of work, it’s female-dominated — there’s a lot of women in preschool and just teaching in general. It’s not that women don’t have the opportunities, but sometimes women are conditioned to feel like they shouldn’t be as confident or they shouldn’t be as assertive in the workplace as men. I feel like if women felt like they had that permission to be like that, without treading on other people or hurting feelings, that they could be just as successful without all the barriers.
